Never expect any help moving from the likes of these.

That’s right folks, this is a great deal. Two for one, and we can ship them anywhere in the country right to your door.

Yup, thats my boy. Clearly I have failed as a father.

For those who can’t see well, thats Linda’s dress shoe.

Colby was on my lap because he wasn’t happy any other way.

Jackie jumped onto my lap because she wasn’t happy any other way.

Now I can’t move.

Today Linda caught Colby chewing on a plastic bag from our newspaper. Ok thats fine, but then he tore a chunk off and ate it. Yes, he swallowed plastic.

I wonder if it tastes good.

Jackie makes it almost impossible to play Wii. Just watch and you’ll see why she doesn’t want us to play.

A perfect example of how Jackie thinks she owns the whole apartment, shes trying to take my bookbag.

I spent over a week in Germany, away from the little creatures that plague my work productivity. My wife was quite please to announce that she had trained them while I was gone, saying something about I make them go crazy.

I don’t believe her, because I have not seen any proof of them being tame, but rather more evidence of their savagery. In fact, they are both chewing on my suitcase at this very moment, which is still not completely unpacked.

What I don’t get is do these kitties act as they do because of me? I find it really hard to believe that they actually behaved for my wife, but I don’t dare call her a liar.

I had an epiphany today. There are some very easy steps you can follow to figure out which cat is to blame for “XYZ”. I have two kitties, which means double trouble. However, one is almost always clearly to blame.

Here are the basic steps to assign blame.

1. Whenever you first discover the problem, note the creatures locations. If it recently happened, the guilty party will likely be the one farther away.
2. Try to rectify the problem (eg: put the item back if they knock something over). The guilty party will be more curious about this.
3. Observe the kitty behavior towards one another. The innocent party will want to play with the other kitty, the guilty part will be thinking about whatever they just did (and probably want to try again).
4. Listen. The louder one often is guilty, but this is less certain.
5. Know your kitty personalities. This can help or hinder, as you might find that you blame one over the other in most cases. Knowing your kitty personalities helps you to determine which is more likely to have been the culprit, especially by assessing which one has interest in the particular item that was attacked.
6. Pick them up, and the one that won’t let you is guilty.
7. Taunt them with whatever they attacked, and the one that approaches the item is guilty IF that kitty is known to be bold, otherwise they are innocent and just curious what the guilty party did.

No, they haven’t broken our TV, yet. That’ll be a day of reckoning.

Several months ago, I had to replace the batteries in my mouse. I took the battery cover off, about 1x1.5 inch cover, and left the room. Upon return, the cover was missing and kitties were running around. My first thought was not that they had taken it, but that it feel to the floor or something. So in the 2-3 minutes I spent looking for it, they stashed it in their secret hiding place. I was almost convinced that it had fallen in the trash under my desk.

Until today. In the utility room, where their litter and bowls are, is a little closed off spot tucked away with the water heater. Its covered by a collapsing door, so I never thought to look there before. However, a funny sound coming from the heater gave me reason to look.

I found: 

• mouse cover
• 6 hair ties
• 2 twist ties
• dozens of paper shreds

Still missing the 2 things of chapstick. There must be another black hole somewhere in this apartment.